Feeling Empowered as a Dominatrix

I went into a great deal of detail on those things in my book: Dominatrix on Trial. I ask you to buy it, not only to increase sales, but to get my full views on that. You can go to dominatrixontrial.com for information on how to get it. But to answer the question of whether being a dominatrix gives a woman a feeling of empowerment as best I can now, I would say a few things. Sex work (in the conventional sense) let me survive, and if you do sex work from a secure location and in a clean environment it is much better than being forced underground the way the laws do to us now, despite prostitution being legal. People are having sex, often anonymously, all over the place now, so these millions don’t seem to think they are degrading themselves. High end prostitutes are making good livings for short hours and many love what they do and endure no sexual harassment the way secretaries, waitresses and other poorly paid women do. As a dominatrix I felt even better than a high end sex worker, except that it was a more costly and burdensome business to run. But I can tell you that nothing beats having men who occupy positions of power being at your mercy and worshipping you. For a woman to have that kind of power is intoxicating and must be experienced to be believed. It is not just the physical control over and power to inflict punishment on a big man who is helpless, it is also the experience of him wishing to be in that position for me. Of course I felt empowered. I had concerns when running my establishment too. I was concerned about the police raiding. I was concerned about making enough money to continue on. I was concerned about losing the premises, which I did not own. But I was never concerned about violence against me or my staff. Girls who work in traditional occupations or in male dominated occupations endure sexual harassment and bullying all the time.

Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

Crimes on Campus that Target Women

I don’t want to sound racist but the colleges and universities in Toronto have many students that come from, or whose parents come from traditional cultures, where men’s pride can be more easily hurt by women than is the case with, say, third generation North Americans. Also women, like the elderly, are a safer target for attackers than able-bodied young men and most college students today are women, so they will be the main victims of crime. So I don’t think misogyny is the only reason for the targeting of women on campus. To change any misogyny that does exist will take time, cultural changes and also women fighting back by reporting incidents and there being supports to encourage more women to come forward.

Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

My Definition of a Feminist – Terri-Jean Bedford

I was recently asked how I defined a feminist and whether I see myself as a feminist. I believe a feminist is a woman, or man for that matter, who believes in maximizing the equality of the sexes in every respect and minimizing discrimination of any type based on gender. I see myself as a feminist in terms of supporting equality of opportunity in the workplace, but I do not believe in equality in relationships. I believe that one partner should dominate the other. For example, as a dominatrix I see this desire of men to submit to women all the time, not to be equal. They want to revel in female superiority and worship a woman as a goddess, at least when they are role playing with them. I don’t think that describes feminism in relationships.

TJB
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

My Upper Canada College Speech – V

So what I am telling you is that our opponents are either ignorant of what the current debate is about, ignorant about the realities of the sex trade issues, and they are trying to prevent Parliament from framing new legislation. Just think of what will happen if Prime Minister Harper has to bring in new legislation. He will have to define what is and what is not a sex act. He will have to define who is and who is not a prostitute. I will have plenty to say about all that in the future, but the thing to remember is that laws cannot be impermissibly vague. That means he must tell us exactly what we can and cannot do in private and why, if he wishes to make prostitution illegal. Do you want the Prime Minister to control your sexuality and what you choose to do with your body in the privacy of your home or business? Our opponents do not want that discussion to happen. They just want some vague and indirect legal and moral condemnation of sex for money to appear to be the policy of the country. I say to you here today what a number of academic papers that have been sent to me since this began are saying. We must move away from a moral basis for legislating on this issue and towards a safety basis. We women must not lose control of our bodies and our lives. Other countries are hopefully moving forward in emancipating women. Don’t allow Mr. Harper to take us backward.

Thank you all very much.

– Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

My Upper Canada College Speech – IV

Now let me talk about the first group. The federal government announced an appeal before they even had time to read the decision! The lawyers who argued on their behalf at the hearings from 2007 to 2010 and the appeal in 2011 were merely following orders. They couldn’t even get credible experts. But what were those orders? I think the orders from Ottawa were to make the debate go away. Those who have read the Himel decision and seek to overturn it are looking after themselves for sure. But they are also seeking to maintain a status quo that benefits organized crime at the expense of women.

To be Continued

– Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

My Upper Canada College Speech – III

And something else. Human trafficking and women being illegally exploited in this country occurs across a number of occupations such as household domestics, farm labourers, office cleaners and, I could go on. The judge did point out that the negative aspects of human trafficking and so on are addressed by other laws: such as those against immigration, confinement and assault. And they say prostitution is bad. Well guess what. I say it’s good. Who the hell are they to decide I say it is wrong to allow women to have premarital sex for free yet make them criminals if they get a dinner or favour or money for it. We are not slaves! They say smoking is bad. They say overeating is bad. They say getting drunk is bad. So why when women exercise free choice in the bedroom does it have to be illegal – even if it is bad, which it is not?

Why do I say prostitution is good? It’s not just me. All over town men and women are paying for sex acts now. Would they do it if it was not good? And what about acts that may or may not be sexual. Some of you may have tied up your boyfriends and tickled them, or had them do it to you. What’s wrong with that? Is that a sex act if your clothes are on? And of course, if they paid you to do it are you a criminal? I think we should get a medal when we punish men or take their money.

To be Continued

– Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

My Upper Canada College Speech – II

Judge Himel said her decision was not about whether prostitution is good or bad, or whether it should continue to be legal, or, for that matter, what prostitution is and is not. Her 131 page decision, after two years of hearings from experts and lawyers, was that the laws seeking to restrict prostitution (whatever that is) were unconstitutional. In a nutshell she said that those laws impacted negatively on those they were supposed to protect. For example, they prevent prostitutes from hiring security or working from a regular location. She also said that these harmful laws impacted in a discriminatory and arbitrary fashion on a narrow segment of society– on women. Yet, many voices rose saying that prostitution should not be made legal. First of all they forget it already is. These uninformed voices tell us that prostitution and pimping will increase dramatically, as will human trafficking, if the decision is upheld and nothing else is done. They also tell us that prostitution is bad. This is all crap. The judge said the evidence does not support those assertions. You can read her decision where she looks at other countries and the evidence at length and says why. I would like to add a couple of other considerations. For one thing, do men who pay prostitutes have unlimited money to ramp up their demand. For another, prostitution is rampant today and the current laws, as the judge said, are rarely enforced anyway. And something else. Human trafficking and women being illegally exploited in this country occurs across a number of occupations such as household domestics, farm labourers, office cleaners and, I could go on. The judge did point out that the negative aspects of human trafficking and so on are addressed by other laws: such as those against immigration, confinement and assault.

To be Continued

– Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

My Upper Canada Speech – I

“Before anything else I want to thank Nikki Thomas for being such a wonderful spokesperson for our successful motion to strike down those appalling laws which were supposedly against prostitution. Nicki has told and can tell you about what is likely to happen if Judge Himel’s ruling is upheld. I am going to speak to you today about those who oppose Judge Himel’s decision. It seems to me there are two types of opponents First there are those who know what the decision said, and may even have read it. Then there are those who do not know what the decision said yet have an opinion on it. Let me deal with the second group first. Judge Himel said her decision was not about whether prostitution is good or bad, or whether it should continue to be legal, or, for that matter, what prostitution is and is not. Her 131 page decision, after two years of hearings from experts and lawyers, was that the laws seeking to restrict prostitution (whatever that is) were unconstitutional. In a nutshell she said that those laws impacted negatively on those they were supposed to protect. For example, they prevent prostitutes from hiring security or working from a regular location. She also said that these harmful laws impacted in a discriminatory and arbitrary fashion on a narrow segment of society– on women.”

To be Continued

– Terri-Jean Bedford
http://DominatrixOnTrial.com

Good to be Back

Thanks to so many who have sent kind messages while I recovered from my surgery. I am much better now and am going to resume my blogs.

We are approaching the release of the Ontario Court of Appeal’s decision about Justice Susan Himel’s decision of September 2010. She struck down the laws which supposedly restricted prostitution in Ontario, and Canada. The government’s appeal was heard in June 2011. No matter what the higher court says in its decision a huge national debate on the issues involved will begin.

I was a panellist at a major conference at Toronto’s Upper Canada College debating the issue of whether prostitution should be decriminalized. My remarks were about the opposition to Judge Himel’s decision. Over the next couple of weeks I will share a text of those remarks with you, and after that have further comments about the issues about to come before the country. You can see a video of me delivering my remarks on my web sites, and you can get background on the Himel decision in my book Dominatrix on Trial.

Terri-Jean Bedford
http://dominatrixontrial.com